Lahat May Baggage

Malamang, by this time, karamihan satin ay napanod na ang “That Thing Called Tadhana.” Sa bus, kalye at bawat sulok ng opisina, usap-usapan lagi ang mga relatable hugot lines ng pelikula. Lahat naman kasi ata ng kilala ko, naranasan nang maiwanan, mang-iwan, ma-broken-hearted, umiyak, magalit, magpaka-bitter. Mga 85% na nakausap ko, natuto naman mag-move-on. Yung iba, nasa iba’t ibang stage pa ng process, though marami ata ginawang tambayan ang Denial and Anger stages.

Ako, na-enjoy ko yung movie in the sense na it took me down familiar routes. Sa edad kong to at sa aga kong kumire, e malamang ilang brokenhearted episodes at moving on drama na ang dinaanan ko. Parang si Mace, ilang beses na din akong umiyak, nagtanong kung bakit pa kasi ako nabuhay, naghanap ng closure na hindi dumating, nagsisigaw ng, “PI! Ayoko na!” Kung susukatin mo siguro ang dami ng luhang itinangis ko kumpara sa alak na tinungga ko sa tuwing isa na namang boylet ang ginawang punching bag ang puso ko, lalamang lang yung alcohol ng mga dalawang tagay sa dami.

Pero more than about getting over a failed relationship or moving on, ibang konsepto yung mas nagstick sakin nung napanuod ko yung movie. And it’s all about baggage. As in emotional baggage. Napansin ko na yung mga luggage ni Mace sa movie ay parang naging simbolo din ng journey nyang maka-move on sa ex niyang gagong tanda-tanda na takot pa sa commitment.

Napansin ko kasi, as I got older and went through several relationships (i.e., actual boyfriends) and pseudo-relationships (i.e., ilusyonada ako, si boy, it’s-not-you-it’s-me ang peg), na parang we don’t really get over a past relationship completely. As in, walang erase lahat, back to zero, clean slate, ganun. When we move on to another relationship, we still carry small bits and parts of the previous one into it.

Eto, mga kaibigan, kapamilya at kapatid sa pananampalatayang meron pa ding wagas puro at dalisay na pag-ibig, ay ang tinatawag na baggage. Wala kong maisip na magandang term nito sa Tagalog, so I assume gets nyo naman to.

EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.

Collins dictionary defines emotional baggage as: “the feelings you have about your past and the things that have happened to you, which often have a negative effect on your behavior and attitudes.” 

Wikipedia describes it in a metaphorical image: ” it is that of carrying all the disappointments, wrongs, and trauma of the past around with one in a heavy load.”

emo baggage

Photo grabbed from ze Net.

 

Pansin nyo ba sa start ng movie, si Mace, awas-awas yung maleta nya. Pilit nya pinagkakasya pa yung mga gamit nya pero matapos ang ilang balik, excess weight pa rin sya. Hindi siya maka-move on sa next step ng pag-check in sa airport. Kasi gusto nya ipilit mai-empake yung mga binili nya para sa ex nya – yung trench coats, yung mga thongs, sapatos – kasi may sentimental value. Siguro they remind her of her time na she believed they had a future together. Pero waley.

Tapos, may lumapit sa kanya, si Anthony, na nag-offer na dalhin sa luggage nya yung ibang gamit ni Mace. And it worked, gumaan dala ni Mace, nakatuloy sila. Pero pansin ko, all throughout their trip, lalo na nung nasa Baguio sila, si Mace, hirap na hirap pagdadala ng luggage niya, often refusing Anthony’s help na dalhin ito kahit pataas or pababa ng overpass. Ayaw niya bitawan. Ayaw niya i-let go.

tadhana

Photo grabbed from ze Net.

 

Kalaunan sa pelikula, naiwan nila yung mga bagahe nila sa Baguio at matagal pa babalik yung bus. Si Anthony yung nag-alala at gusto balikan, pero si Mace – probably realizing what a relief it was not to lug around those heavy bags anymore – just shrugged it off at nagdesisyon na i-enjoy na lang yung ipinunta nila sa Sagada. At para sakin, yun yung pangalawang good step niya into actually moving on and losing all those baggage: nung in-accept nyang iwanan na mga yun. Teka, ano yung unang step? E di nung pumayag siyang tanggapin yung tulong ni Anthony na dalhin yung ibang gamit niya.

Diba, parang tayo lang din yan. Sabi ko nga, pagpasok natin sa isang bagong realsyon, lahat tayo may dalang baggage: trust issues, fear of commitment, trauma sa sakit na binigay ng mga ex natin, all those nasty, wonderful excuses na kung susumahin mo, would just fall under two categories: Medyo May Point and Total Bullshit.

Hindi na natin maaalis yan. Wala naman kayang burahin past nila diba. Kahit na gaano tayo kagago, katanga, kalandi or karupok sa nauna nating mga relasyon, di na natin kayang ibahin yun. Ang kaya natin kontrolin e kung paano nito maaapektuhan yung mga bagong relasyon natin.

Lahat tayo may baggage. Some more than most, some refuse to let go of theirs, but we all have them. Meron nasa maleta, gym bag, pwedeng backpack or ga-wallet lang. Pero para sakin, wala sa laki or bigat ng dinadala natin. Nasa paraan kung paano natin dadalhin.

Dadalhin mo ba lahat? Lahat ng frustration and unfulfilled expectations mo sa nakaraan, ipapasa mo ba sa bago? Na dahil may trust issues ka, magiging jaded at cynical ka na sa lahat ng mga bagong dadating sa buhay mo? Kakayanin mo bang dalhin lahat ng ikaw lang? O, handa kang tumanggap ng tulong para gumaan yung mga dala mo?

For sure yang babaeng natitipuhan mo or yang lalaking nagpaparamdam sayo, may mga baggage din sila. Give them a chance. Give yourself a chance.

Malay mo, may space pa sa maleta nila, pwede ka pa makilagay.

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I Am Loved

I had the privilege of leading our Victory Group session earlier today. And praise God our little group is complete, despite each of our own hectic skeds, travels and chores at home. We usually have our Bible study at Kaphe, a quirky coffee shop right at the SEARCA Dorm lobby. Their Genmaicha, Lemongrass iced tea and homemade Oreos are Sunday faves.

So glad to be reminded of God’s love, and blessed by my group mates’ sharing of how His love is evident in their lives as well.

“…The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.” ~Exodus 34:6-7 

Indeed God is compassionate and gracious. He is merciful. He is God – high and mighty – yet stoops down on us inferior humans to extend grace and favor. Like a father who disciplines the children He loves, yet still provides a way for us to be redeemed – through His son Jesus. The verse mentions “wickedness, rebellion and sin” to show that there is no sin God is unable to forgive.

God is slow to anger. He is long suffering. He is ever patient with us, and I’m glad He is. Imagine if we have a short-fused God who gets irate at the tiniest mistake. Lagot tayo diyan!

God abounds in love and faithfulness. I remember a line from the song “One Thing Remains” (Jesus Culture) that stuck to me for days after first hearing it: “Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.” Imagine  if God’s love is just adequate or “sakto lang.” What would happen to us if God’s love has a limit, if it is not unconditional, like how most of us love others? It is so abundant that while we were still sinners, He forgave us through Christ dying for our sins (Romans 5:8).

This knowledge of God’s love doesn’t give us license to sin, but rather gives us the confidence to repent and go back to Him each time we fall.

Now since we are loved so faithfully, unconditionally and abundantly, then we can strive to love others as well. We can forgive others because God first forgave us. We are blessed so that we can be a blessing to others.

*Professional discipleship group materials available at victorylosbanos.org

Broken Hearts Need a Break Too

Okay, since it’s February and a friend’s situation came to mind during my quiet time, I had to write this. I can’t promise this would be my last love-themes post but I’ll try, okay? 🙂
 
 
 
How do we heal a broken heart? For most of us girls, it involves endless ranting and rehashing to friends and anyone who would listen, copious amount of tears, play lists of the most heart-wrenching love songs on repeat-mode, buckets of liquor, the occasional threat of bodily harm to the guy involved (and any third party, if applicable), and a defiant hunt for the next distraction, i.e., the rebound.
Sad to say, most of us still drop into the habit of doing most of the stuff above. Sure we get well-meaning advice about moving on and focusing on the good things, but in our most vulnerable, selfish moments, it’s easier to wallow in self-pity. Mas masarap magpaka-kawawa, diba, especially this time of the year, when all the Valentine brouhaha is assaulting our senses.
We’ve heard the saying, “Don’t let your emotions take over.” I think that’s sound advice. But since the heart is mostly an emotional organ, I think it’s also fair to give it ample time to grieve if hurt, to heal once broken. I’ve always believed the heart is very resilient, but just like any other living thing, if it’s wounded, then it needs time to recuperate. This doesn’t give us license to flounder in a victim mindset, but it does allow us to give our heart a break.
And I think this is the best time not to make any important decisions or engage in any impulsive actions. Mabuti pang mag-SL or LOA muna ang puso imbes na isabak ulit sa laban. I learned this the hard way numerous times, and I hope this time, the lesson would stick.
While diving right back into the dating scene or drowning our sorrows in alcohol and negative thoughts might seem therapeutic –and yes, it will work for a while – it’s all temporary. When the rush of a new guy or the buzz of yet another drinking binge wears off, we’re left feeling emptier and sadder than when we started.
The heart is deceitful, as well. We may think we know it and can control it, but we can’t. Only God can. He knows us thoroughly, loved us even while we were still sinners, and can tell each and every desire of our hearts. It’s hard and sometimes, even in my faith in Him, I struggle to come to terms with my limitations. We fall into the trap of going to Him only when all else had failed, but really, we should have come to Him from the start. 
*photo from Google. No copyright infringement intended.