Ang Tunay na Lalaki

Mag-grupo ka ng ilang mga kababaihan at mas malamang sa hindi, magagawi rin ang usapan sa kung ano ba ang marka ng isang tunay na lalaki. Iba-iba yan ng mga haka-haka, depinisyon at kuro-kuro. Papasok ang mga pangarap na katangian (read: wish ko lang), mga opinyong halaw sa mapapait na karanasan (read: bitterness) o mga katangiang galing sa mga libro or pelikula (“Hay naku may mga ganyan pa bang lalaki?!” habang pinapanuod umiyak si John Lloyd).

Maaaring sumang-ayon ka sa akin o may iba kang pananaw, so, wala na lang basagan ng trip, yeah? 😀

Para sakin kasi, ang tunay na lalaki ay isang gentleman.

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Pag sinabing gentleman, naiisip agad natin, yung chivalrous, tipong, nagbubukas ng pinto para sa mga babae, umaalalay pagbaba ng sasakyan, pumupunta sa danger side pag natawid. Sila yung mabait, magalang at malumanay magsalita.

Tama naman. Pero para sakin, ang pagiging gentleman goes way more than being polite or mild-mannered.  Sakin tatlong bagay lang para maging isang tunay na gentleman – ergo, tunay na lalaki.

A gentleman leads by serving.  Diba, maalalay sila, tipong supportive kumbaga. Kaya nilang mag-lead – lalo na ng mga babaeng ang bibilical role is to submit to them – by serving them. Hindi kelangang gumamit ng ka-machohan, dahas o mapagmalaking pananalita para makapagpasunod ng iba. Hindi kelangan ng yabang. Ang gentleness ng lalaki, hindi nasusukat sa kung ilang babae na ang napa-ibig o ilang ibang lalaki ang natalo o nalamangan. Sabi sa Titus 3:2 ukol sa gentleness, “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” Hindi sa bilis ng init ng ulo o paghahanap ng suntukan. Yung tipong rerespetuhin mo kasi in the face of conflict or trouble, sila yung magse-step up to resolve it not by force, but by gentleness.

A gentleman strives to be good all the times, but recognizes when he falls short and makes mistakes. Ang tunay na lalaki, marunong mag-sorry. At hindi lang lip service na sorry – he means it. Pag humihingi siya ng tawad, hindi dahil guilty siya o gusto niyang mabawasan ang bigat na dinadala niya. Magso-sorry siya kasi nasaktan ka niya. Magso-sorry siya dahil nagsisisi siya sa ginawa niya. Magso-sorry siya kasi he wants you to know the truth because you deserve it. Magso-sorry siya regardless kung may kasiguruhang mapapatawad mo siya o hindi.

A gentleman has a personal relationship with the Lord. Iba pag ang lalaki, hindi dinidiyos ang sarili, pera o mga materyal na bagay above everything.  Pag may matinding pananampalataya siya sa Diyos, alam mo na papangalagaan ka niya at poprotektahan dahil ang tingin niya saiyo ay anak rin ng Diyos.  Hindi ka niya lolokohin, sasaktan o ilalagay sa panganib kasi alam niyang sa Diyos siya mananagot. God entrusted you to him, and yes, alam niyang trust is a big word. With this mindset, iba ang treatment niya sa mga kababaihan – hindi basta-bastang maka-date, kaharutan or pampalipas oras lang. Confident din siya sa faithfulness ni God sa kanya.  Sabi nga sa Hebrews 13:5, “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Para sakin, a true gentleman is a good man. Hindi lang dahil mukhang mabait, walang bisyo, palakaibigan or popular sa lahat. Hindi lang dahil “safe” sila kasama. Ang tunay na lalaki, alam kung kailan at paano maging lalaki. Hindi mo kailangan sabihan o pangunahan. Real men takes risks din. Risking their feelings, their reputation or hurting others, pero if it’s with good intentions, magpapakalalaki siya. Lunok pride, hiya o takot muna.

Naalala ko yung isang movie napanuod ko recently. Ang ganda nung sinabi about what being a good man is:

“Be good in the face of failure. Sometimes being the best means being the least. Be good even after you made a mistake. Sometimes being good boils down to being able to say sorry. Sometimes being good is loving the people who hurt you and making the most difficult choices that may hurt the people you love. Madalas sa kagustuhan nating maging magaling,  nakakalimutan nating maging mabuti. We lose sight of the fact that every day is a struggle to be better.”

So, may mga gantong lalaki pa ba out there?

Para sakin… oo naman! At ang mga lalaking ganto, so worth the wait and effort. Kaya ladies, don’t settle for less. Mamaya , magsisi ka how much time, effort and emotions you wasted on one guy,  na dapat, sinave mo na lang for someone more deserving. 😉

*photo from http://thelionthebitchandthebedroom.blogspot.com . No copyright infringement intended.

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Decisions, choices and actions

Read, read! It Takes God, a Man and a Woman.

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*photo taken from the post

When I need some godly, real man perspective, this is one site I go to. I don’t know a lot of sensible men to talk to (haha!), so just reading about the plethora of posts here about topics that not only Christian men, but women go through as well really helps. Of course, this and the Word. I also get a pick on men’s brains. Check out actlikeaman.org.

I posted something a bit related to this post at least a couple of weeks before I watched the movie, so you can’t say I’m ripping off quotes from the movie, nyaha! To be fair naman, it’s because the topic of forgiveness and the situation of the movie’s protagonists are quite familiar to us. I’m sure, karamihan satin, dumaan na rin sa ganitong sitwasyon at damdamin.

I wrote in my post No More What If’s: “Loving someone, following our dreams, turning a new leaf, forgiving someone, moving on – these require actions and decisions…Loving someone is a decision, and you know what, so is moving on.”

Decisions. Choices. They determine our actions.