Dating Been-There-Done-That

Ever met or dated a guy, and after a while, you get that feeling that everything seems oh-so-familiar?

1. When a guy texts you at 2AM to “just hang out.” Block the schmuck completely especially when he starts the message with “Ei” instead of “Hey.” What, he’s too lazy to key in an extra letter?

Remember, nothing good ever happens after 2 AM.

2. When he tells you you are the most interesting, one-of-a-kind girl he’s ever met and he just wants to spend all of his time with you. Alone. Just the two of you. In out-of-the-way, far-flung places where there’s very little chance you’ll bump with people he knows. Because you’re just so damn precious and unique he wants to keep you as his best kept secret… especially from his girlfriend.

As a good friend – who seems to attract married or attached friends like a magnet – loves to put it: “Gagawin pa kong spare tire. Bakit kasi kukuha-kuha sila ng owner-type jeep kung gusto naman pala nila sa Ferraring pula sumakay.” Pak.

3. When he invites you over to watch DVD’s at his place. While drinking. At night. When everyone else is away. And he gives you directions instead of actually exerting effort to pick you up. And oh, while you’re at it, can you bring food as well?

If you don’t see that train wreck coming, then my dear girl, you deserve to be hit.

4. When you’ve just met and gone out on exactly one date, after which he constantly send you text messages  to know you whereabouts. Like all the time. He also stalks your Facebook check-ins and tagged photos from your friends. He’ll flood your chat inbox with constant, “Eat ka na? Where ka na? Sleep ka na?” and acts jealous when you don’t reply right away. Suddenly he’s everywhere, like all the time.

It’s a toss between flattering or borderline stalking.

5. When you become the ever dependable tropa, that wise sage he consults regularly as he tries to get over his ex. You’re there when he rants and wants to rehash every little detail to find out what made their relationship go kaput and why the hell is she dating a new guy now? Until eventually, he starts mentioning her less and less and shows more and more interest in you. And then you kid each other, like why don’t we just go out? Like, crazy right ha ha.

And when you two finally do go out, the rest of the world shakes its head and sits back to see how long this rebound thing will last.

6. When a guy you date occasionally texts you where you are and when you reply and ask him the same, nada. Well, now he sure knows where NOT to go, eh?

7. If, after an amazing, romantic night out on your first date, the bill arrives and he’s suddenly busy fiddling with his phone or he doesn’t even offer to at least to split the bill, pay the whole dang thing and walk away. Fast. Don’t look back.

8. When a guys has too many mobile phones or phone numbers. Unless he’s a cellphone dealer or sells load. Same goes for multiple Facebook or IG accounts, often not under their real names. Unless the rest are fan sites or fan pages… which can be get pretty dubious if he’s not a celebrity.

I guess when you start romping around the dating scene really young and fast, you also learn the lessons and mistakes harder. You’ve seen the scene, dated the players , the older ones, the young ones and everyone else in between. And when you’re a single mother, you’ve definitely had more of your fair share early on, but thankfully, you grow up, wise up and move on.

As Cuba Gooding’s character in Jerry Maguire, football player Rod Tidwell, so succinctly put it when his agent (Tom Cruise) asked him for advice on dating a single mom (Renee Zellweger’s Dorothy Boyd):

“Single mothers don’t date. They don’t date date. They’ve been to the circus, you know what I mean? They’ve been to the puppet shows and they’ve seen the strings.”

Don’t get me wrong. If you enjoy the above-mentioned dating scenarios, good for you. Just remember that while spending a bit of time in the circus (or jungle or hell, whatever metaphor suits your dating experience) is fun and kilig and painful and enlightening, at one point, you have to get out. You have to stop dating the jugglers who pass you around like a ball, the clowns who just fool around with your feelings, or that incredible man who eats fire and glass shards who just burns and cuts your tired, little heart into tiny, smoldering pieces.

 

*This post was inspired by several funny conversations and observations. If you are one of those old, bitter single women such as the author of this piece and her equally cynical friends, do share your dating deja vus in the comments section. Happy circus-ing!

Oprah Says…

A friend PM’d me this from “What Oprah Winfrey Had To Say About Men.” I was nodding almost all throughout. I guess she’s not one of the world’s most influential people for nothing, eh? 🙂

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If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are no better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.Maintain boundaries in
how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…Even if he has more education or in a better job.Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man,
nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat
on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT
dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships.. .There is nothing cute about baggage…Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…Look for someone complimentary.. .not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…whe n a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says: You should know that. You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing.

If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one.They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.Make the right  one.

Ladies take care of your own hearts…. Share this with other women and men (just so they know). You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

SMP? Not!

I came across this post while looking for an article about parenting (naks, but true!). It resonated with me because a lot of the author’s points hit right at home, especially about the daddy and beauty issues, and the one on guarding one’s heart. This also got me thinking about a friend who just broke up with her long-time boyfriend, and another close friend who is fed up with dating and looking for men.

I think it was a post somewhere in Twitter, but the gist was, if you don’t love yourself while still single, being in a relationship or marriage isn’t going to change that. Truedat! Being single is the best time to see and love ourselves as God does.

It’s an article titled, “For the Gals: 8 Principles for Dating”. I was blessed by this article and hope you will be, too, whether you’re single, attached or swearing off dating for now – or forever. 🙂

I am indeed loved by God, am beautiful because of this, so much favored by Him that His Son died for my sins, will wait patiently upon His will and will not put anything nor anyone above Him.

Don’t be disheartened. Hindi totoong malamig ang Pasko mo!

Men, Take Note: Common Women’s Crazies

Recently, a girlfriend and I got to talking to a guy friend who was new at this getting-close-to-the-opposite-sex thing. He relayed some “confusing” antics he encountered with this girl, who he was in the process of getting to know in the hopes of finding out if she was the one he would date or court. My girlfriend and I found his – for lack of better term – naivete endearingly amusing. He complained, “Ang labo ninyong mga babae!” Call it PMS, hormones, hyperactive emotions or just simply being a girl, but something in our XX-chromosomes must surely be to blame for these hot-and-cold behavior.
I remembered watching a couple movies few weeks ago (“Act Like A Man,” “He’s Just Not That Into You”) which reveals the “secrets” of the typical man’s playbook when it comes to dating. Most are not surprising, given I learned them first-hand from the bad thugs and immature boys I’ve dated in the past. But it was kinda funny! So to return the favor – forgive me ladies – here are some of the common crazies we women have.
 
 
 
1. We expect you to read our minds. When we are warm and friendly to you all throughout, then suddenly turn quiet or eerily contemplative the next moment, trust me dude, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG. Whether it’s a valid fault or imagined, in our eyes you did something bad. And we are not going to tell you what it is. We will let you stew in your juices, hoping you will figure out what it is that irked us off, and getting even more frustrated if you don’t. Consider this familiar scene:
Guy: You okay?
Girl: (gives you a dirty look) Yeah.
Guy: Did I do something wrong?
Girl: (through gritted teeth) Nooo.
Guy: (and few men would actually be this patient/persistent in asking a girl) Galit ka ba sakin?
Girl: HINDI!!! (then storms off angrily)
There are several reasons for this kind of crazy. First, we expect you to be like our girlfriends, able to know our thoughts and feelings with just an exchange of a single look. We want you to be sensitive enough to realize if you pissed us off. If you did something wrong and you’re not a complete jerk, you should know it. Second, it irritates us even more when we have to explain it you pa. If you have to ask, then you don’t need to know. Period. Third, blame those gushy, unrealistic rom-com movies out there. We want our men to be like John Lloyd Cruz or John Cusack. We want you to cry in the middle of the street on a rainy day, stricken by the very though that you have hurt us, and come running back to us, begging for forgiveness and plying us with truckloads of chocolate, flowers and fancy quotes worthy of posting and re-Tweeting. (But on a serious note, I think this also comes from a woman’s innate desire to be wooed. God designed women to be pursued. I’m not using this to justify our pa-pam-pam; I’m just saying).
So if that girl you’ve been texting with forever suddenly stops her steady stream of Where-na-you-Kumain-ka-na-Sleep-na-me-Goodnight! messages, don’t ever think she ran out of load, fell asleep or lost interest on you. Chances are, you did something (or on the extreme side, you did nothing at all) and her silence means she wants you to realize that, find out what it is, and do what you have to do. All I can say is…. happy crystal-balling guys!
2. Yes, we go to the wash room in hordes. Always. It’s because:
a. We want to borrow each other’s lipstick or hairbrush. And brutal honesty on the new set of bangs we cut ourselves.
b. We’re secretly afraid to walk past that table of another group of girls who will size up our outfits from head to toe.
c. We will talk about you guys.
d. We will talk about other guys besides you.
e. We will talk about other girls we passed by and sized up.
f. In the event we suddenly get our period or develop, er, stomach problems, we need someone sympathetic and discreet to go run out for a sanitary pad or a pack of wet wipes.
3. We like to talk about our problems – especially matters of the heart- to oblivion. And talk about it some more. A little bit more. Then rehash it several times. Then rehash it over and over again. This can take a toll even on the most patient friends, but especially for guys who are not wired to endure emotional gabfests. It’s not mostly because of self-centeredness or drama-queen tendencies (although these are also big factors), but because we feel talking about it numerous times will desensitize us about the whole thing. We are fond of subjecting our heartaches and other personal issues to countless tear-a-thons because frankly, we just want to wake up one day and suddenly find ourselves immune to Whatsisname’s charms. True story.
4. Related to #3, when we say, “We need to talk,” we don’t mean a five-minute chat where everything gets wrapped up nicely. When we want The Talk, five minutes ain’t even enough for our opening sentence. We ladies love to over-analyze every little thing. Even if you did manage to survive one of these hours-long talks and went home thinking, yey, that’s over and done with, we would still lie awake until the wee hours of the morning, agonizing over the hundred more things we “left unsaid.” So the next time your girl comes up to you and say the four dreaded words – and you are by no means ready to bare your feelings Oprah-style – run for the hills, my man! Save her the heartbreak, and save yourself from earning a place in her Most Insensitive Jerk list.
5. We don’t ask men questions because we don’t know the answer. We ask you questions we already know the answers to, because we want to hear you say we’re right. We want to be proven right. We need validation. We crave affirmation, especially from men we admire or like. Of course it’s extra ganda points for us, but it also shows us if we’re on the same page on a particular matter. (Like, do you think One Direction is better than Backstreet Boys? I would tread very carefully on this discussion my friend, especially if the girl asking this is a child of the 90’s.)
Now, in the same vein that not all men are inconsiderate jerks or players, I’m not saying all women are like those mentioned above ha, although I suspect even the most rah-rah-girl-power type felt these things at one point or another in their lives. I’m actually just poking fun on one extremely moody, emotional and crazy woman – me. 
 
*photo from Google