Dating Been-There-Done-That

Ever met or dated a guy, and after a while, you get that feeling that everything seems oh-so-familiar?

1. When a guy texts you at 2AM to “just hang out.” Block the schmuck completely especially when he starts the message with “Ei” instead of “Hey.” What, he’s too lazy to key in an extra letter?

Remember, nothing good ever happens after 2 AM.

2. When he tells you you are the most interesting, one-of-a-kind girl he’s ever met and he just wants to spend all of his time with you. Alone. Just the two of you. In out-of-the-way, far-flung places where there’s very little chance you’ll bump with people he knows. Because you’re just so damn precious and unique he wants to keep you as his best kept secret… especially from his girlfriend.

As a good friend – who seems to attract married or attached friends like a magnet – loves to put it: “Gagawin pa kong spare tire. Bakit kasi kukuha-kuha sila ng owner-type jeep kung gusto naman pala nila sa Ferraring pula sumakay.” Pak.

3. When he invites you over to watch DVD’s at his place. While drinking. At night. When everyone else is away. And he gives you directions instead of actually exerting effort to pick you up. And oh, while you’re at it, can you bring food as well?

If you don’t see that train wreck coming, then my dear girl, you deserve to be hit.

4. When you’ve just met and gone out on exactly one date, after which he constantly send you text messages  to know you whereabouts. Like all the time. He also stalks your Facebook check-ins and tagged photos from your friends. He’ll flood your chat inbox with constant, “Eat ka na? Where ka na? Sleep ka na?” and acts jealous when you don’t reply right away. Suddenly he’s everywhere, like all the time.

It’s a toss between flattering or borderline stalking.

5. When you become the ever dependable tropa, that wise sage he consults regularly as he tries to get over his ex. You’re there when he rants and wants to rehash every little detail to find out what made their relationship go kaput and why the hell is she dating a new guy now? Until eventually, he starts mentioning her less and less and shows more and more interest in you. And then you kid each other, like why don’t we just go out? Like, crazy right ha ha.

And when you two finally do go out, the rest of the world shakes its head and sits back to see how long this rebound thing will last.

6. When a guy you date occasionally texts you where you are and when you reply and ask him the same, nada. Well, now he sure knows where NOT to go, eh?

7. If, after an amazing, romantic night out on your first date, the bill arrives and he’s suddenly busy fiddling with his phone or he doesn’t even offer to at least to split the bill, pay the whole dang thing and walk away. Fast. Don’t look back.

8. When a guys has too many mobile phones or phone numbers. Unless he’s a cellphone dealer or sells load. Same goes for multiple Facebook or IG accounts, often not under their real names. Unless the rest are fan sites or fan pages… which can be get pretty dubious if he’s not a celebrity.

I guess when you start romping around the dating scene really young and fast, you also learn the lessons and mistakes harder. You’ve seen the scene, dated the players , the older ones, the young ones and everyone else in between. And when you’re a single mother, you’ve definitely had more of your fair share early on, but thankfully, you grow up, wise up and move on.

As Cuba Gooding’s character in Jerry Maguire, football player Rod Tidwell, so succinctly put it when his agent (Tom Cruise) asked him for advice on dating a single mom (Renee Zellweger’s Dorothy Boyd):

“Single mothers don’t date. They don’t date date. They’ve been to the circus, you know what I mean? They’ve been to the puppet shows and they’ve seen the strings.”

Don’t get me wrong. If you enjoy the above-mentioned dating scenarios, good for you. Just remember that while spending a bit of time in the circus (or jungle or hell, whatever metaphor suits your dating experience) is fun and kilig and painful and enlightening, at one point, you have to get out. You have to stop dating the jugglers who pass you around like a ball, the clowns who just fool around with your feelings, or that incredible man who eats fire and glass shards who just burns and cuts your tired, little heart into tiny, smoldering pieces.

 

*This post was inspired by several funny conversations and observations. If you are one of those old, bitter single women such as the author of this piece and her equally cynical friends, do share your dating deja vus in the comments section. Happy circus-ing!

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